Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's like....OH YEAH.

Can I just say that this Hotel is freakin awesome?!  So I got assigned to a tour that lasts for 7 days.  It's pretty awesome.  The people are really cool too.  My tour director, Nancy, is really cool too.  You just have to look past the fact that she's a complete spazoid.  (Did i just create a new word?  I think I did)  But the trip itinery is pretty sweet.  I got to spend two nights at the McKinley Princess Lodge.  Not a whole lot to do there except look at a freakin' huge-ass mountain.  What MPL means to me is all the free food I can eat.

After two nights there, I went and spend another two nights at the Kenai Princess Lodge.  KPL=Free food, and free tours!  So I signed up for a kayaking trip.  It was pretty fun.  We got out in kayaks and went around the lake.  Took about two hours but i had a good time.  Spent the rest of my time either eating or sleeping.  What a life.

Today on our way to Alyeska, we stopped at the Crow Creek Mine and I got to mine for gold.  And i found some!  It was pretty much one of the proudest moments of my life.  I have about $30 worth of gold.  Then to Alyeska.  Oh my heck.  This place is FANTASTIC!  I walked into my hotel room and there were chocolates on the pillow. CHOCOLATES ON THE PILLOW!  I guess that's the norm for five star hotels.  My bed is so comfy.  It's making comfy.  Oh yeah.  The only thing i'm missing tonight is a lovely woman.

At the hotel is a ski resort.  There is still lots of snow up on the top.  I went up with my group of people and played in the snow.  Snowball fights and body sledding.  It was pretty much off the hizzie.  I'm loving it.

And now for the best part.  Drum roll please......they payout!  In this trip is an included gratuity for the driver. 4 dollars per person per day.  28 people, 7 days.  The math works out to $784.  Cha Ching!

This has been the best assignment ever.  I hope i get to do it again.

Friday, June 11, 2010

The Fat Tax

So back during my junior year of highschool, my english teacher assigned us a paper to write, but this paper had to be a satire.  She told us that our satirical papers had to take two completely unrelated problems and find one solution that solves them both.  I came up with an idea that I thought to be absolutely brilliant.  Offensive, but brilliant!  I decided to solve the problems of obesity in America, and the National Debt.  How was this to be solved with just one solution?  Quite simple:  the Fat Tax.

Here's how it works:

At the checkout registers at each place of business in the United States, where would be a scale, height measurer, and body mass indexer.  The Surgeon General's office will create reasonable standards for what a person of a certain height and body mass index should weigh.  If a person comes up to the scales and weighs more than they should, a tax, proportional to the amount they are overweight, will be assessed and added to their purchase.  This tax would go directly to the federal government for the sole purpose of paying down the national debt.  Now, you're probably thinking, "what about the people who have legitimate health problems that make them overweight?"  Good point.  I will address that.  Those that feel they have a legitimate health reason to be overweight can go to a doctor and get a Fat Tax Waiver card, which must be scanned at the register in order to negate the tax that will be added onto their total price.  This is also the case for those individuals who are just naturally "big boned."  A new Fat Tax Waiver is required annually.

Ok, so this solves the debt problem, but how is this solving obesity?  Think about it.  Would you let yourself get overweight if you knew you were going to be taxed for it?  People hate paying taxes. People will do whatever it takes to not have to pay taxes, even exercising!  So as people begin to be taxed for being too fat, they will be motivated (we hope) to exercise and get within the prescribed weight standards so that they are not heavily taxed.

Think of all the benefits that could be reaped.  Health care costs will go drastically down because people will be generally healthier.  Diabetes (Diabetus, as Wilford Brimley would say), would be a less frequent occurance. If we paid off the national debt, perhaps the income tax would not be necessary, or at least lower the tax rates.  Better schools for children.  Shelters for the homeless.  No more homeless pets. World Peace! Maybe I should shake a few hands and kiss a few babies now.

But, because we have to be politically correct and not offend anyone, this will never happen.  Heaven forbid we tell the world how it is, instead of sugar coating everything.  No, you do not have a disability due to the gravitational force.  You are just fat.  You are a Fatty McFatFat. FAAAAAAT!

Fat people, you've made my insurance premiums skyrocket, now pay for it!  Because I can't.